Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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