I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
