I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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