We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
