Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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