For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
