im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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