I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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