someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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