My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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