My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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