Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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