3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
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