So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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