I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize