Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
