is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
