hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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