A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it was like having sex with a tree stump
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
