Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
