R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
