dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
