Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize