My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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