Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
