Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Houston, we have a blender
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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