HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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