hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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