So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
and she was petting her beer can
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Even my vagina gasped.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
