So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
