I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
