The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
