Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize