we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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