I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize