I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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