She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
