LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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