We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
