Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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