i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
