did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
