She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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