eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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