dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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