ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
