I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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