Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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