I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have post one night stand depression
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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