if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
