the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I smell stomach acid.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Randomize
