That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
