So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Can Purell be used as lube?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
