Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
