FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
