i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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