just tell him i said nine months
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
