So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize