Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
