I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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