Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
