i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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