This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
