I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
