dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
