A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
