coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
