so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
