My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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