You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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