I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
