my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
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