He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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