you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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