my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
