I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
